More Honest Than I’ve Been Before

The monitor glare lights the space around me. An American worship band are providing the soundtrack via their mySpace. A physically distant yet emotionally close friend, provides me with a sounding board, via iChat.

I’m typing as I go, trying to make some sense of the emotions and the thoughts running through my head today. I weep as I realise what I have just typed. I weep for something I have never known.

How can you miss something you have never had?

I fear making the same mistakes. I fear becoming the same person.

And I struggle to hold those ideas in tension, to reconcile them. I struggle to let Jesus work. I struggle to let him take the pain. I struggle to let him do new things in our relationship. And at my most honest, I struggle to believe he will.

Some days it’s harder to cling to hope than others. Thank goodness we don’t walk this alone.

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"Ultimately, movement is only as valuable as your commitment to stillness, and vice versa."

Pico Iyer

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