More Honest Than I’ve Been Before

The monitor glare lights the space around me. An American worship band are providing the soundtrack via their mySpace. A physically distant yet emotionally close friend, provides me with a sounding board, via iChat.

I’m typing as I go, trying to make some sense of the emotions and the thoughts running through my head today. I weep as I realise what I have just typed. I weep for something I have never known.

How can you miss something you have never had?

I fear making the same mistakes. I fear becoming the same person.

And I struggle to hold those ideas in tension, to reconcile them. I struggle to let Jesus work. I struggle to let him take the pain. I struggle to let him do new things in our relationship. And at my most honest, I struggle to believe he will.

Some days it’s harder to cling to hope than others. Thank goodness we don’t walk this alone.



"Ultimately, movement is only as valuable as your commitment to stillness, and vice versa."

Pico Iyer

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